Tuesday, April 7, 2009

How it ends

The nurse informed me that the doctors were consulting and trying to determine what steps should be taken. She was gracious and empathetic, and would become someone I will never forget. I don’t recall exactly what happened in what order after that but the doctors decided that I would stay in the hospital overnight. I was told that the ultrasound showed signs of infection and that my cervix had shortened from 34mm last week to 11 this week. The doctors conferred with my hematologist before making any definite recommendations due to the anti-coagulants (blood thinners) I was taking.

It was initially recommended that I have an amniocentesis done to verify if there was infection. If I were to have a cerclage placed to reinforce my cervix there could not be an infection present. It would not hold. They then informed me that a cerclage was not recommended due to the anti-coagulant therapy. There were too many risks associated with the cerclage. Since I would not have a cerclage placed, there was no reason to perform the amnio as it too could result in complications. At this point they assumed worse case scenario, infection, and put me on IV antibiotics.

I continued to have mild to moderate contractions for about 24hrs. Then they subsided. After 48 hours of antibiotics I was allowed to go home on complete bedrest. That was Friday, December 14th, 2006.-------------

Once home my husband set up shop in the bedroom. I would stay upstairs in bed with my bottom propped up until the day I went into labor. Considering that I was only 16.5 weeks along at the time, it looked like a long road ahead. My sister bought us a mini refrigerator and placed it in my bedroom so that I could be self sufficient when my husband and daughter were not home. The only time I got out of bed was to use the bathroom.
Saturday came and went fairly eventless. A couple of very mild contractions but nothing a normal person would be concerned about. Throughout the day Sunday I had this odd feeling, a little pressure and a general uneasiness. It’s amazing what you “just know”. At approximately 5 pm I went in to use the restroom and noticed a bit of spotting. I immediately teared up, swallowed and calmly told my husband that we needed to go back to the hospital.

It’s amazing how calm and yet hurried one can be. We were out the door, had our daughter dropped off, and informed the doctor in a matter of minutes. I laid flat on my back in the back of the car the entire away. Once at the hospital emergency room I asked for a gurney so that I did not risk rupturing. They ended up taking me to the L&D Floor in a wheel chair which was absolutely terrifying. I was convinced that if I stood up my water would break.

Once up stairs they placed me in the same room I was in a couple days ago. I even had the same nurse. This was kinda nice as she already knew my history and what was happening. The doctor came in and examined me and said that the membranes were bulging. This meant that the baby’s sac was already in the birth canal. They flipped my bed back so that I was on a 45 degree angle with my bottom up and my head down. The thought was that this would keep the membranes from rupturing.

After 24 hours of this, I discussed with my husband the reality of having this baby. I spoke with the doctor’s and they agreed that getting another 10 weeks out of this pregnancy was not very likely. They had not seen it. And even at that point the chances of a productive life were slim. I just could not imagine spending 5-6 weeks in the hospital and losing my son after all. It would be too difficult. We decided that we should just let the pregnancy end.

The reactions of the hospital staff varied. For the most part they were empathetic and understanding of our decision. They knew it was the most practical/realistic choice. I’m guessing that they had never seen someone make this type of decision in the past. The natural response is to do deny what is happening and do everything possible to save your baby. Trust me, we would not have been able to do this if it had been the first time.

One of the nurses came and asked if I was sure this is what I wanted to do. She tried to reassure me that it was okay and that everyone understood. She said that she knew it must be a difficult choice and they all supported me. Ya know, before that I hadn’t even thought about what they would think. I just knew what the chances were and had to do the best thing for my family and me.

After consulting with my doctor one last time, she put in the orders to induce labor. We planned to do it in the middle of the night as it would take a little while to work. Fortunately for us, I sneezed a couple hours later and my membranes ruptured. Ultimately, we did not have to make the decision. God made it for us.

1 comment:

  1. I think We have to very careful about our mother. Only awareness can help us to get rid of such situation. If you ready to take such responsibility
    please come
    I think our awareness can help our mother. thank you