Wednesday, March 25, 2009

-- Part One Cont.

I apologize, I will be sharing my story in bits and pieces--probably every couple days. But, I promise you will get the entire story!

I pulled myself together before the sonographer came back in the room. She told me that a nurse would be with me in a minute and that they were getting a room ready for me. The nurse came and I followed her to a room around the corner. She told me that they had called my doctor, that a specialist was reviewing the film and that someone would be back shortly with instructions.

So, there I sat alone in a hospital room designed for labor and delivery. I couldn’t decide if I should call my husband or not since I did not know for sure what the next step was going to be. Should I disrupt his workday? Did I want to upset him? Or, should I just wait until he left work? That would be best. It didn't make sense to upset him at this point. "I'll just call him after work and let him know I'm at the hospital," I thought. I then made arrangements for my daughter to get home from school. I called my employer to let them know I probably wouldn’t be in for the next few days or even months. I called my girlfriend and told her what was happening. I then decided that I should call my husband. He needed to know. He would want to know.

After making the necessary calls I cried again. It's amazing how one person's emotions can fluctuate so quickly. One minute I was calm and taking care of business and the next I could literally feel the deepest part of my stomach twist n turn in the type of knots I would not have thought possible. It was a bottomless longing for...something I cannot, to this day, describe. The best I can come up with is when you are a young, hurt or sick child and you want your mommy, except I didn't want my mommy. I wanted someone to tell me it was going to be okay. I wanted this time to be different, but I knew it wasn't.

I sat there thinking, “How can this be happening?” I’ve done everything I was supposed to. I took my vitamins, my B-complex supplement and baby aspirin. I administered weekly injections of Progesterone and daily injections of Lovenox. This was not suppose to happen. Not this time!!!

By the time the nurse came back I was ready. My moment of questioning, anger and disappointment subsided. I was ready. Ready to face the next day, week, month(s) or whatever was to come.

No comments:

Post a Comment