Friday, May 29, 2009

Still Here

Just wanted to let you know that I have not forgotten about you. I still plan to share my story. Lil man was in the hospital again...just for a minute. RSV this time. 5 months of immunizations, and he still got it. Would have been worse if not for the immuns, so we are good!

My (oldest) baby is 15 today. I can't believe it!!! Next thing I know Lil man will be graduating from high school. It goes soo fast. Hold on tight!

The pic is Lil man and my friends girl. She is 19 months here and he is 16 months. I'm thinking.... postcard!?!?

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Hello/Sick Little Man

Just stopping in to say, "Hello." I haven't had a chance to post anything lately.

Little man has been sick. Here is the short version...

Little Man, we'll call him LM, had a croupy cough Tuesday night and started acting like he was having difficulty breathing so we gave him a breathing treatment around 11pm. He kept whining in his sleep and vomited a bit around 2am--try not to visualize. Me & LM went downstairs and he was up whining most of the night...very congested. Around 5 am I noticed a fever so I took him to urgent care.

When we got there his temp was 104.3 and his Oxygen level was 88 (should be above 96). They immediately moved us to a room where the doc could see him at all times. They gave him a breathing treatment, a steroid and put him on oxygen. Dr told me LM needs to go to the hospital because of his breathing, that he is very sick and they are calling an ambulance. They gave him a second breathing treatment and tried to put him on an IV but couldn't get his vein--thank goodness. I explained to the doctor that this is how he breathes when he gets sick. She told me that he probably has pneumonia.

Shift Change.

New doc comes in, again says LM is very sick. I explain the breathing thing and he tells me LM will probably be in the hospital for a couple days and that he (the doc is not leaving the area until the ambulance arrives). We get in the ambulance and LM's stats are normal. He starts to talk to the paramedic a bit. About an hour after getting to the hospital and having xrays and nose/throat cultures he starts smiling and talking to everyone. They told us there is no pneumonia, its a virus, that we can go and to come back if his breathing gets bad again.

The Good thing is there is no pneumonia. The bad or irritating thing is, I kinda knew that. But, what do you do? You don't want to argue with the doctor and then be wrong.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Chapter 3- 2002

I hope I'm not confusing you out there in bloggerville. I started with pregnancy number six and am now going in chronological order.

My losses from 2002 and 2003 are kinda a blur at this point. 2002 was my first pregnancy with my 2nd (and current) husband. I had told him about what had happened in the past, but he figured it was a fluke. Heck, I wasn’t even sure what had happened. Needless to say, I was a little worried, but mostly excited that we were going to have a baby.

This may be a bit graphic--close your eyes—at about 15 weeks I went to use the bathroom and passed a HUGE clot. I was convinced I was losing the baby. I actually collected the tissue from the toilet for the doctor to see. My dh was in Washington DC at the time, so my friend drove half an hour to go to the doctor with me. Doctor examined me and said that my cervix was closed.....nothing to worry about. I was apprehensive, but hey, she’s the doc. She knew what she’s was doing...I guess.

Now, about this doctor. I told her numerous times about what had happened in ’99. She straight up told me that unless you have multiple losses there is nothing they can do. It just happens sometimes. As I look back, I wish I had the strength I came to acquire down the road. I should have TOLD her what I wanted, but hey..that’s how we learn, isn’t it?

So, hubby came home and everything was fine. A couple days later I had some minor cramping/contractions. Some would say it was normal, but there is nothing normal when it comes to me and pregnancy. I got up around 7am to use the restroom and this time I heard/felt my water break. I started crying instantly and woke dh up to go to the doctor. She basically told me there was nothing she could do. She said to go home and wait it out, and once I go into labor to go to the hospital. Needless to say, she did not have the best bedside manner.

When we went into the ER they did not know what to do with me. I didn’t officially qualify for Labor & Delivery, but the ER wasn’t sure they wanted me either. I eventually had the baby in the ER. I knew he (the baby) was coming about 20 minutes after arriving. DH tried to find a nurse, or someone, but there was no one around. I told him the baby was coming and then I delivered my itty bitty boy on the ER bed.

I held my little one and examined him thoroughly. He was soooo tiny, but looked so perfect. It’s amazing how developed they are on the outside.

Twitter Moms: The Influential Moms Network

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Looking for Help with this...

Okay, so I really like this blogging thing but I feel sooo lost. I've seen some great blogs/ do I find one for myself??

How do I find people with similar interests. I do not see a search area anywhere. If there is anyone out there, send me some bloggin love please!

Oh, and this is my main man...

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Beginning-June 1999

My first loss was in June of 1999. At that time I had a 4 year old daughter and was expecting my second child. The pregnancy seemed to be going well and I was 20 weeks along. It was a Wednesday or maybe Thursday and I noticed a thick discharge. I wasn’t sure if it was normal or not. I was also experiencing periodic contractions. Again, I was not too sure so I called the doctors office. They told me that as long as the discharge was not tinged with blood that it was nothing to worry about. I was told to put my feet up and relax. I did. Things seemed to be better the next day.

Then, on Saturday I started having contractions again. Again, I called the doctor. My OB was out of town and the doctor on call said that I could go to the hospital and be checked but that I was probably, “Okay.” It was up to me. I asked my significant other if he would take me to the hospital and he said, “No.” Considering that I really wasn’t sure if there was a problem or not, I simply stayed home. I remember feeling better on Sunday so I decided to go to the family reunion. I did not do too much. I mostly sat there. I wasn’t completely naive, but I did not realize the severity of what was happening.

After sporadic contractions later that night and the bloody discharge that the doctor’s office told me about appeared, I decided to go to the hospital. I had no idea what I was in for. This was probably the most horrific experience a woman could face. A resident doctor came into the room and after taking the history and relevant information asked if she could examine me. The expression on her face pretty much said it all. She told me that the membranes were bulging and that I was dilated to 3cm. At the time, I did not know what that meant. She explained to me that the baby was basically in the birth canal. She said that she was going to get another doctor and she would be back with more information. It was obvious that she was concerned and not comfortable discussing it with me.

I believe the next doctor was a specialist. He examined me and told me that they needed to do an amniocentesis but that it was my decision. I was there alone and barely comprehended what was happening. I was afraid to agree to the amnio and was more afraid not to agree. The doctor explained that it was necessary to see if there was any infection. If there was no infection, they could try to stop the labor and then put in a cerclage to try and hold the cervix for awhile.

Ironically, my grandfather was upstairs in the same hospital having surgery. I told the doctor that my mom was there with my grandfather and they went to get her. Not too long after, she appeared. I then signed the necessary forms and they proceeded with the amnio.

I remember lying there looking at the monitor, watching the needle and hoping that it didn’t hit the baby. The next thing I remember I was in a Labor and Delivery Room. The doctor informed me that there was no infection and that they were going to try and stop the labor. I was 20 weeks and 24 weeks is considered the ‘Point of Viability.” So all I needed was 4 more weeks.

Well, the labor never subsided and I delivered a beautiful 14.7 oz little boy name Christian. He was actually breathing and lived for 23 minutes. At 20 wks he looked perfectly normal, just small.

My parents were there when he was born and although I don’t remember too much, I remember them both standing there crying as I held him.

How it ends

The nurse informed me that the doctors were consulting and trying to determine what steps should be taken. She was gracious and empathetic, and would become someone I will never forget. I don’t recall exactly what happened in what order after that but the doctors decided that I would stay in the hospital overnight. I was told that the ultrasound showed signs of infection and that my cervix had shortened from 34mm last week to 11 this week. The doctors conferred with my hematologist before making any definite recommendations due to the anti-coagulants (blood thinners) I was taking.

It was initially recommended that I have an amniocentesis done to verify if there was infection. If I were to have a cerclage placed to reinforce my cervix there could not be an infection present. It would not hold. They then informed me that a cerclage was not recommended due to the anti-coagulant therapy. There were too many risks associated with the cerclage. Since I would not have a cerclage placed, there was no reason to perform the amnio as it too could result in complications. At this point they assumed worse case scenario, infection, and put me on IV antibiotics.

I continued to have mild to moderate contractions for about 24hrs. Then they subsided. After 48 hours of antibiotics I was allowed to go home on complete bedrest. That was Friday, December 14th, 2006.-------------

Once home my husband set up shop in the bedroom. I would stay upstairs in bed with my bottom propped up until the day I went into labor. Considering that I was only 16.5 weeks along at the time, it looked like a long road ahead. My sister bought us a mini refrigerator and placed it in my bedroom so that I could be self sufficient when my husband and daughter were not home. The only time I got out of bed was to use the bathroom.
Saturday came and went fairly eventless. A couple of very mild contractions but nothing a normal person would be concerned about. Throughout the day Sunday I had this odd feeling, a little pressure and a general uneasiness. It’s amazing what you “just know”. At approximately 5 pm I went in to use the restroom and noticed a bit of spotting. I immediately teared up, swallowed and calmly told my husband that we needed to go back to the hospital.

It’s amazing how calm and yet hurried one can be. We were out the door, had our daughter dropped off, and informed the doctor in a matter of minutes. I laid flat on my back in the back of the car the entire away. Once at the hospital emergency room I asked for a gurney so that I did not risk rupturing. They ended up taking me to the L&D Floor in a wheel chair which was absolutely terrifying. I was convinced that if I stood up my water would break.

Once up stairs they placed me in the same room I was in a couple days ago. I even had the same nurse. This was kinda nice as she already knew my history and what was happening. The doctor came in and examined me and said that the membranes were bulging. This meant that the baby’s sac was already in the birth canal. They flipped my bed back so that I was on a 45 degree angle with my bottom up and my head down. The thought was that this would keep the membranes from rupturing.

After 24 hours of this, I discussed with my husband the reality of having this baby. I spoke with the doctor’s and they agreed that getting another 10 weeks out of this pregnancy was not very likely. They had not seen it. And even at that point the chances of a productive life were slim. I just could not imagine spending 5-6 weeks in the hospital and losing my son after all. It would be too difficult. We decided that we should just let the pregnancy end.

The reactions of the hospital staff varied. For the most part they were empathetic and understanding of our decision. They knew it was the most practical/realistic choice. I’m guessing that they had never seen someone make this type of decision in the past. The natural response is to do deny what is happening and do everything possible to save your baby. Trust me, we would not have been able to do this if it had been the first time.

One of the nurses came and asked if I was sure this is what I wanted to do. She tried to reassure me that it was okay and that everyone understood. She said that she knew it must be a difficult choice and they all supported me. Ya know, before that I hadn’t even thought about what they would think. I just knew what the chances were and had to do the best thing for my family and me.

After consulting with my doctor one last time, she put in the orders to induce labor. We planned to do it in the middle of the night as it would take a little while to work. Fortunately for us, I sneezed a couple hours later and my membranes ruptured. Ultimately, we did not have to make the decision. God made it for us.